| Pages in topic: [1 2] > | Off topic: Bad English - Hospital Chart Bloopers! Thread poster: PB Trans
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PB Trans
Local time: 10:56
French to English
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1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears ... See more 1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. ▲ Collapse
| | | | texjax DDS PhD 
Local time: 05:56
Member (2006)
English to Italian
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| Thank you so much! | Jun 26, 2007 |
The best laughs I had in a long time!
Pina Broccoli wrote: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.  21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
| | | | | Ohh, my...!! | Jun 26, 2007 |
I was laughing so loud, my family thought I was dying!!
| | | | PB Trans
Local time: 10:56
French to English
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TOPIC STARTER
Tadzio Carvallo wrote: I was laughing so loud, my family thought I was dying!!
Be careful, you don't want to end up in the Bad Grammar Hospital!
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I'm a doctor. I only pray none of my charts look like this
[Edited at 2007-06-26 06:45]
| | | | | The best therapy | Jun 26, 2007 |
If hospitals had this list posted in the reception, half of the patients would return home right from the reception because they wouldn't need treatment any more, and the other half, because they wouldn't want to take the risk.
| | | | megane_wang
Spain
Local time: 11:56
Member (2007)
English to Spanish
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| Ha ha ha ha ha !!!! | Jun 26, 2007 |
Henrik Pipoyan wrote:
If hospitals had this list posted in the reception, half of the patients would return home right from the reception because they wouldn't need treatment any more, and the other half, because they wouldn't want to take the risk.
I woul not have said it better!!!
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I really needed this laugh
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megane_wang
Spain
Local time: 11:56
Member (2007)
English to Spanish
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| At the office, we loved this one | Jun 26, 2007 |
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
... he might have had very good reasons!!
Ruth @ MW
| | | | Marlou Franken
Netherlands
Local time: 11:56
Member (2006)
English to Dutch
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I love this post, soooo funny!
| | | | Jack Doughty
United Kingdom
Local time: 10:56
Russian to English
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In memoriam | More medical howlers | Jun 26, 2007 |
1. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
2. The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
3. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
5. The patient expired on the f... See more 1. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
2. The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
3. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
5. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
6. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
7. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
8. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
9. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
10. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
11. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
12. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
13. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
14. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
15. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aircraft ran out of fuel and crashed.
16. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
17. Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
18. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
19. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. ▲ Collapse
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marlou1911 wrote:
I love this post, soooo funny!
Thank you for making us all laugh.
There's the well known "I've been in bed with the doctor for a week but it doesn't seem to be doing me much good".
And "The teeth in my top jaw are fine, but the ones in my bottom are very painful".
Love,
Jenny.
[Edited at 2007-06-26 10:57]
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PB Trans
Local time: 10:56
French to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
Origins: This item is a subset of a larger list that appeared in one of Richard Lederer's several "Anguished English" collections of humorously mangled language, The Bride of Anguished English (2000), where the entries were described as "real-life doctors' dictations" submitted by the American Association of Medical Transcriptionists.
... See more Origins: This item is a subset of a larger list that appeared in one of Richard Lederer's several "Anguished English" collections of humorously mangled language, The Bride of Anguished English (2000), where the entries were described as "real-life doctors' dictations" submitted by the American Association of Medical Transcriptionists.
More info here: http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/doctors.asp ▲ Collapse
| | | | | | | OMG, I really needed a good laugh | Jun 26, 2007 |
Thanks guys for brightening up my day!
Shine on!
Lily
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