Mohsin Alabdali Jul 29, 2011:

From a syntax point of view," inhale" does not convey the desparate effort for breath a sinking person must spend. On the contrary, inhale conveys a luxurious type of breathing. Gasping, especially when associated with sinking, is necessarily shallow short breaths. I don't think, therefore, "deeply" is a suitable syntaxical choice. The Arabic should have been أشهق شهقة الغرق but poetic necessity appears to have dictated the abbreviated أشهق الغرق
. I trust you will find the above explanation helpful.

By the way, I think, as translation is not an exact science, each translator may understand the nuances of the phrase differently. I find it difficult, therefore, to say a translation is wrong. All I can say, based on my understanding, that the syntax is suitable or not to convey the general tone of the source text.

Eyal Sherf (asker) Jul 29, 2011:

Thank you, Moshin. Can you please break it down further? Why did you choose to repeat "gasp"? Can I say, "Leave me in your arms gasping deeply"? Is "inhaling" wrong?